but loves understanding, so my flesh HATES dependency/trusting, but loves independence/confidence/agenda/willfulness so I can control my world.  My flesh is obsessed with understanding, so I read books, research online, listen to experts, always looking to understand more clearly, so I can captain my soul better, master my fate better.  Pride.  Understanding-idolatry was the first idol…

my feeling good about myself.  Performance addiction.  Conditional love from me to me.  Perform well, and I love my life, love me.  Perform poorly, and I hate my life, hate me.  Always intense, trying to avoid performing poorly.  And I sure don’t care about Jesus’ imputed worthiness to me.  All about me and my performance,…

of human somebodiness instead of You.  Or being just as awed by human somebodiness and their awesome creations, as I am of You.  And being just as interested in my own accomplishing/somebodiness, as I am of You and Your accomplishments/Somebodiness.  Thank You for exposing my idolatry to me.  Thank You that the nicest, sweetest, kindest…

in a better way to live.  It’s harrrd.  I’m ready for easy.  Ready for Heaven.  Why would I want to stay around here in this Cursed world, when I could be in Glory?  I don’t CARE about being fruitful with pre-believers.  I just want relief.  I don’t CARE about Your glory, Jesus.  I just want…

circumstance-dependent for our joy and peace, to be pitied above all humans, for we wear the name of Jesus, but have not the benefit of Jesus — the benefit of experiencing abundant LIFE: the life of a dumb-sheep-believer, clueless about what’s best for self or others, and content to be clueless, trusting the Shepherd to…

are performers and professional critics at the highest level.  And critics are frequently those who have excelled as performers.  The third-highest form of somebodiness…most all humans can experience: amateur critic. We all love to feel good about ourselves by the way we analyze and judge the excellence or inferiority of others and their performance, achievements,…

with the benefits of somebodiness, achievement.  I believe deep in my soul, that I can find happiness somewhere other than Jesus-dependency.  Why would He give me the desire of my heart – to feel good about myself based on my performance, even in ministry, if the desire of my heart is for something other than…

It’s what ShepherdDave does when he thinks he’s loving his spouse, child, grandchild, friend, neighbor, workmate, relative, Savior.  ShepherdDave only loves those who are worthy of love: humble, considerate, gracious humans that he likes, because they don’t fail him, disrespect him, and when they perform up to his expectations.  Pride.  Me, me, me. Unconditional love,…

It’s the primary way I see Jesus growing believers to be more dependent on Himself. Suffering is not just physical, but can also be emotional/spiritual, like fresh conviction of sin, which at first seems unhelpful, not what I wanted, but afterward, I’m so grateful to be sane again, experiencing once again, the abundant LIFE Jesus…

to myself and others, is when I’m in an area of my expertise, with lots of knowledge and experience.   ShepherdDave, wise in my own eyes, leaning on my  own understanding, not asking or thanking Jesus, operating by puny-human power, no threat to the enemy and his kingdom, with a Jesus in me that is not…