knows what’s best for himself, and others, and gets irritated with a little old lady in a Buick ahead of him on a two-lane road with no-passing lines, driving five miles an hour under the speed limit.  So they both have to wait at the next traffic light.  Grrrr. AgendifiedDave/JudgeDave/ShepherdDave ain’t got a humble bone…

the sickness of the Church, but once I see it, he changes his strategy, tempting me to feel good about myself for my insight, smug in my superior and radical commitment, tempting me to self-righteously go about trying to make a difference as a radical, in the power of me.  Like the Pharisees: so confident,…

at Christmas, and the rest of the year too, except when I’ve been freshly convicted of the sin of independence/judge/self-confidence/pride.  Jesus is only a big deal to big sinners, only a little deal to little sinners, and nothing to non-sinners.  The nicest, sweetest, kindest thing He ever does for this kid of His, is to…

One example is my latest tire purchase for my car.  My Subaru wagon is an authentic sports car in disguise: very fast, and corners amazingly.   So the tires I have purchased for it in the past, have been ultra-high-performance summer tires, that enable one to corner like a race car.   I have always loved to…

Financial condition of GospelFriendships.  I’m currently in deficit by $9k and I’m guessing by year end it will be from $10-15k.   🙂 I need a ministry fix. My ministry addiction is clearer to me than ever.  Why?  Because folks have been praying.  Why is my addiction always eager for a fresh, quick fix?  Why can’t…

for people I used to despise: my enemies — theologically, politically, and militarily.  And myself, just as I am, even when I do stupid things, even when I’m an ingrate for all I have in Jesus.  I’m thankful that DaddyJesusSpirit is both loving and sovereign over all, has had a perfect plan from before the…

and appearance, when I’m indifferent to Jesus.  Same response the Pharisees had to Jesus.  PhariseeDave, outwardly appearing strong, together, worthy, to others.  And to self.  Blind to what’s going on inside.  But PhariseeDave is becoming more and more aware that his worthiness-addiction has been inordinately fueled by suppressed childhood feelings of worthlessness, causing a lifetime of…

Or more faith, or more obedience, or to be different?  Part of my motivation for being different, better, is for the glory of Jesus.   But what about the dark side — the sinful side, of my motivation?   I wanna feel gooood about myself, and I’m tired of feeling lousy about myself, a failure at following…

Abstinence has been a workable strategy for many people in AA for many years.  Why shouldn’t abstinence be a workable/helpful strategy for me, in dealing with my idolatry, another word for addiction?  Helpful for getting me out of the trap of addiction: A.K.A. the trap of proving myself worthy.  My idols really are less strong…

what I learn from that desire, is that I’m evidently looking for relief, trying to prove myself worthy, which means I still have more suppressed childhood pain to face, experience. When I wish I were different – try not to be who I am, this also points to suppressed pain, motivating me to prove myself…