more others-centered, less self-absorbed?  Why do I want to believe better, follow Jesus better, love better?  Why do I want to be more humble, less proud, less defensive?  Why do I want to be less critical/judgmental of others, less competitive, more gracious to others?   Why do I want to be more fruitful with the lost? …

for my life, that includes lotsa suffering, that I might be grown more self-aware and self-accepting, so I might be grown more Jesus-dependent/humble.  Thank You for the many ways I’ve been self-deceived as a Christian leader about my sin/idolatry, imagining myself to be qualified to lead because I’ve appeared to have my act together, to…

that sounds noble, humble.  But it’s pride, not humility.  Self-contempt, not self-acceptance.   Jesus is enough for me when I’ma humble believer who fails, but when I’ma proud believer who fails, Jesus is NOT enough – I wannabe better.  Whyzat?  So I can feel GOOD about myself, instead of – less than.  I wannabe better than…

So, if the biggest need I have every day is to believe in the sovereignty of Jesus over the details/circumstances of my day, because, typically, it feels like DAVE is sovereign, like my day is up to ME, or oughtabe, and I can’t seem to graduate from needing to be reminded that I am not…

of DaddyJesusSpirit every day, all day long, or I slip into believing the Christian life is up to ME, and then I’m easily overwhelmed.  The doctrine of the sovereignty of DaddyJesusSpirit is balm to my troubled soul, unless I’m feeling great, feeling confident.  But.  I frequently feel lousy physiologically, which always means I’m unconfident, easily…

and better than the nonbeliever. And better than the fundy and the try-harder believer. All blind to the extent of their sin. I’m one of the good guys. I’m a grace-junkie. Gospel-centered. I love feeling superior to everyone. Even fellow grace-junkies. I USE others. To feel good about me. While I’m very skilled at appearing…

as I read the Gospels?  Why don’t I identify with the bad guys, the Pharisees?  Because, I suspect, I wanna feel better than them, good about myself.  So I need to live in denial about the extent of my sin/idolatry/independence/dysfunction/weakness.  Suppress.  Ignore. I’m one of the good guys. The Pharisees rejected Jesus and His worthiness…

a spiritual success, but Jesus pointed out his unfruitfulness, seed sown on soil that did not reproduce, to show him his spiritual failure, and the Pharisee hated Him for it.  ShepherdDave imagines himself to be a spiritual success, a good guy, because the outside of his cup is clean, he has his act together, feels…

I who have received amazing grace, have not extended amazing grace to others, not even grace.  I’m not a grace-giver but a grace-robber – robbing others of grace by obsessing over their flaws, as a strategy to feel superior to them, so I feel good about ME.  I’m stunned, sobered, contrite, at such a huge…

is also judging myself.  Impossible to judge others without judging myself.  Conditional love to others, always means conditional love to ME.  When I don’t perform up to expectations, the failure/self-contempt weirds me.  Strengthens my suppressed emotional commitment to avoid the pain of failure at all costs, which strengthens my performance idol, which strengthens the conditionality…