Who am I?

Am I the old man, with a self-absorbed nature, a strong proving addiction, A.K.A. JudgeDave, assessor, critic, of everyone and everything, A.K.A. AdultlikeDave, full of human wisdom, confident-he-knows-what’s-best, A.K.A. CompetitiveDave, needing to feel superior to everyone, secretly rejoicing in the failures of others, especially other sports teams, living with stress 24/7, circumstance-dependent for joy and peace, functioning as an atheist?

Or am I the new man in Jesus, others-absorbed, contented, peaceful regardless of circumstances, enjoyer of everyone just as we are and everything just as it is, clueless-he-knows-what’s-best, trusting Jesus knows best and will sovereignly deliver what’s best for Dave, who lives stress-free, curious and expectant to see what Jesus does NEXT, in Dave, others, circumstances, A.K.A. ChildlikeDave?

I can tell you this — when I’m ChildlikeDave I’m by far the happiest, feel the most authentic, feel like my truest self.  THIS is who I am.  OBSERVING, without judgment or agenda.   No hurry.  No intensity.  Ahhh.  Rather then feeling pressure to make things happen as hyper-conscientous AdultlikeDave — living with an underlying, suppressed fear of a humiliating mistake. 

This is the message of the Bible:

Stand still and watch My deliverance, ChildlikeDave.  Don’t be AdultlikeDave and try to live, do My work, by human wisdom, human power.

So I’m paying closer attention these days to my feelings.  If I’m feeling ANY pressure, to do, be different, be better, be efficient, hurry because I’m behind or might be, I’m realizing like never before that I’ve unconsciously slipped into AdultlikeDave, the old man, and I’ve presently lost the benefit of childlike Jesus-dependency.   Whadda I do?  CONFESS.  Ahhh.

I cannot even comprehend how a Christian who doesn’t really believe in the total sovereignty of Jesus, can even WANT to be a clueless dependent on Jesus.  Seems to me it would be overwhelmingly scary to turn loose of the wheel, leave the driving to Jesus.  I find most of us Presbyterians are pseudo-believers in Jesus’ sovereignty.  We claim to believe, but live as though we don’t.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, constantly needing fresh conviction of the sin of INdependence, so he might momentarily be ChildlikeDave, with something to offer seculars around him 

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