The worst prison of all,

is the worst addiction of all — somebodiness-addiction.  When I became a Christian at age 24, my somebodiness-addiction began to migrate from outside the Church, to inside the Church.  Or better — I added to my secular-somebodiness-addiction, spiritual-somebodiness-addiction.  Double the strokes.  Kewl in the secular arena, and kewl in the Church arena.

My somebodiness-addiction isn’t limited to what others think of me, for as a strong introvert I don’t need anyone to know about my achievements/success in order for me to feel good about myself.  If I make a difference in just one person’s life, in one hour, or in a few minutes, I’m filled with a fresh sense of somebodiness/accomplishment/excellence/worthiness, and nobody else needs to know about it, except myself, and maaaybe the person I’ve helped.  Although sometimes I perceive my help was more significant, more needed, than the person himself recognizes.   Ministry-addiction is only one part of my overall somebodiness-addiction, but it’s a significant part, because I attach a lot of meaning to ministry fruitfulness compared to my secular fruitfulness (hobby-righteousness, sports-team-righteousness, investment-righteousness, purchasing-decision-righteousness, health-management-righteousness, car-righteousness, driving-righteousness, appearance-righteousness, thoughtfulness-to-others-righteousness, etc.).  No matter how much righteousness/somebodiness one has, it’s never enough.  Bottomless pit of neediness.

Only ShepherdDave is cursed with the pressures/stress of somebodiness-addiction.  The trap of every worldly follower of Jesus.  DumbSheepDave knows nothing of this prison, for he knows only the joy and peace of Jesus-dependency.

–ShepherdDave, always needing fresh conviction of the sin of being dissatisfied with Jesus and His imputed somebodiness, so he might momentarily be DumbSheepDave, enjoying the bliss of Jesus-dependency/humility/clueless-he-knows-what’s-best, so the nonbelievers around him might experience Jesus

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