Thank You for Your genius plan

for my life, that includes lotsa suffering, that I might be grown more self-aware and self-accepting, so I might be grown more Jesus-dependent/humble.  Thank You for the many ways I’ve been self-deceived as a Christian leader about my sin/idolatry, imagining myself to be qualified to lead because I’ve appeared to have my act together, to others and to myself.  Thank You for the work of Your Spirit, growing me more aware of how-much-more independent I am than I ever realized, so I’d be more dependent on You, even humble, at times.  Thank You for using all this to bring healing to my troubled soul, that I didn’t even realize was seriously troubled.  Thank You that I’ve always been PatheticallyInsecureImmatureNeuroticDeludedProverDave, though I’ve lived all my life in bigtime denial of my dysfunction, my proving addiction.  Thank You for opening my eyes to see myself, and giving me grace to enjoy myself, just as I am: not the picture of emotional/spiritual health I’ve wanted desperately to believe I am, but rather the awful, unvarnished truth about myself, that I’m a pathetically insecure, immature, neurotic, deluded, prover addict, without hope apart from the healing work of Your Spirit who brings LIFE to the hopeless.

Ahhh, the momentary bliss of Jesus-dependency/humility.

–PatheticallyInsecureImmatureNeuroticDeludedProverDave, still sobered at times by the truth, but surprisingly enabled to enjoy himself, just as he is, when freshly convicted of the sin of self-contempt, so the pre-believers around him might experience the love of Jesus

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4 replies
  1. Dorsey
    Dorsey says:

    How I can relate to this post. Thank you for your honesty as it is an encouragement to us to seek honesty within ourselves. How easy it is to chant “oh what a good boy/girl am I”. Praise God for his patience and gentleness as he continues to grow us.

    Reply
    • WeakDave
      WeakDave says:

      AMEN, Dorsey. I would never have chosen this path. My flesh loves EASY, but my flesh dunno nuttin about experiencing happiness/blessing. But it sure THINKS it does. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Robin Walton
    Robin Walton says:

    Wow! As I slowly or quickly emerge into full time ministry, I understand so much of what you are saying in this blog. I just learned a new word, “Fruit Stapling” from Paul Tripp’s book Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand. I falsely believed because I was going to church and doing other Christian things, that my heart was in the right place. How deceived I was, am. How deceived I was that I thought my children believed in God because they attended church (since birth), accepted Christ, and listened to my coffee powered sermons. To my surprise, they told me they don’t know if He really exists. What a wake up call for me. I am glad God waking me up. I appreciate your honesty. It is refreshing.

    Reply
    • WeakDave
      WeakDave says:

      Thanks, Robin. It’s been painful to get new large glimpses of how much worse I am than I ever imagined, but it’s been good painful, healing painful. I’m not feeling the pressure I’ve felt all my life to perform well. I mean, I didn’t KNOW I lived under this mountain of pressure, but experiencing relief at times, has helped me to see how much of a burden I’ve been under all my life. 🙂

      Reply

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