in my less-sane moments, when my flesh reigns supreme, and I want MORE than what I have in Jesus. He and His imputed worthiness are UNsatisfying to me. I wannabe BETTER than I am. BETTER Christian. BETTER evangelist. BETTER faith. BETTER dependency on Jesus. BETTER at being gracious to everyone — inside my head, where I judge everyone and everything, wanting to feel superior to everyone. And I want an even-BETTER car. And a BETTER nation, and a BETTER world. I’m tired of being a great example of a bad example — tired of being such a loser at following Jesus, such an ungracious malcontent. I want everyone everywhere to be wowed by my BETTER. I do not like the way He’s made me, and I do not like the role He’s scripted for me. I want BETTER. I wanna read a book, or go to a seminar, that would guarantee a BETTER me.
–ShepherdDave, living in denial of his misery, except when the Spirit opens his eyes to see the real Dave’sFlesh, so he’s freshly convicted of the sin of independence/pride, so he’s momentarily DumbSheepDave, self-aware, self-accepting, others-accepting, and especially Jesus-accepting, so he’s able to enjoy everyone just as they are, and everything about Jesus’ genius plan, just as it is, needing no BETTER, so the seculars around him might experience the other-worldly humility and other-worldly love of Jesus
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