I’m too weak to live without

awareness of Jesus’ sovereignty.  I’m way-too self-aware now, way-too in touch with my feelings, leaving me way-too sensitive to the scary uncertainty of relying on myself, my human-wisdom, my human-power.  I desperately need reminding every day, all day, of Jesus’ total sovereignty over ever detail of my life.  I’m not STRONGer than I usedtabe, but WEAKer, more pathetically dependent on Him and His-wisdom.  Embarrassingly so. 

But. 

I’m happier, more content, more at peace, more patient, than I’ve been my whole entire life.  Being strong/adultlike is a CURSE for me.  I can’t handle feeling ALONE and in CHARGE.  I handled it for decades.  No more.  Wish I could.  Well, my human-wisdom wishes I could.  My human-wisdom wants me STRONG.  I’m such a disappointment to my human-wisdom.  But not to Jesus.  Because of HIS performance, not mine.

— NeedyDave, who has been dragged along kicking and screaming and resisting, throughout this retraining process of Jesus

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