I work harrrd at being a wonderful person.

Why?  I want others to believe I’m wonderful and DAVE wants to believe it too.  But I’m coming to see that it’s not what I DO that reveals how wonderful or horrible I am, but rather what I THINK.  And nobody knows that but Dave.  And Jesus.  Truth is, I’m NOT a wonderful person.  Oh I’ve loved and served many, many people, who are convinced I’m wonderful, because I’m good at being credible, believable.  And while I DO care for others, deeply, and enjoy them, there’s a dark side to my loving/serving them well, that’s rooted in my wounds from childhood that made me feel rejected, worthless, and my subsequent, unconscious strategy to be wonderful to prove to myself and others, that I’m not worthless.

As I’m more aware of the real Dave’sFlesh, I dowannabe working so harrrd to be something I am not.  All my life, I’ve tried to be something I’m not, and becoming a Christian at age 24, just exacerbated the problem.  Since then, I’ve tried even harrrrder to be wonderful — a wonderful Christian.  The bar is higher, the pressures greater.  So it’s a relief to come out of the closet today about who my flesh really is.  I’d like to work less hard at being wonderful, but I’ve been at this for so long, that I’m not even sure where to begin, to change, or even HOW to be different than I am.  Maybe just being more aware of my dark side of why I serve others, will help.  I hope so.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, promoting Gospel-awareness, self-awareness, and sovereignty-awareness, that Christians, including DAVE, might have integrity/authenticity with seculars, so we’re not stumbling blocks to them considering/embracing Jesus, and so Christians with unusual self-awareness might feel less lonely — have believing friends to whom they can relate

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Why do you need to be more self-aware?

Because you live in denial of how little you really believe in the sovereignty of Jesus.  How do I know that?  Because you suppress your feelings of fear, frustration, discouragement, boredom.  And that’s why you feel ALONE so much of the time: UP TO YOU.  Your biggest need, all day, every day, is to CONFESS your unbelief in the sovereignty of Jesus, so you can have fresh faith to believe, rest, trust, and experience the other-worldly peace for someone in your circumstances.  And if, after confessing, if you still struggle to believe, read Scripture on the sovereignty, providence, of God, or listen to sermons on the subject at sermonaudio.com.  You IMAGINE yourself a believer in the sovereignty of Jesus, but you are a functioning unbeliever, with no advantage over an atheist in the way you go through your day.  UP TO YOU.  In charge of your life and circumstances.  Without the benefit of Jesus.  Alone.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, preaching to himself, that he might have something the seculars around him actually want

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The nicest thing Jesus ever does for me

is to EXPOSE my unbelief to me, especially my unbelief in His sovereign reign over every detail of every life.  EXPOSE my INdependency to me — my feeling ALONE, UP TO DAVE.  Ahhhh, so relieving to CONFESS my unbelief.  The pressure I was feeling EVAPORATES.  Jack Miller once told his wife Rose Marie that the starting place for faith, is conviction of sin.  Such a helpful concept to me ever since I heard that, many years ago.  So when I feel stuck, distant from Jesus, it’s so helpful to ask for the Spirit afresh, sometimes claiming the promise in Luke 11, that if we ask for the Spirit, He will give us the Spirit.  I’ve found it helpful to surrender the timetable, when the prayer is answered.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, thankful afresh for the convicting work of Jesus’ Spirit, wondering if the seculars around him are noticing the difference at times

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I feel entitled to an easier life.

As I compare myself to others, they seem to have easier lives.  They can eat whatever they want, go wherever they want, breath whatever they want, sleep soundly through the night, don’t need to do all the extracurricular health regimens I need to do, and they feel normal all the time.  They don’t experience the suffering/harrrd that I face every day.  Why can’t I be LIKE THEM?

If I had an easIER life, would I give a hoot about Jesus, and His imputed worthiness?  An easIER life might work for others, but I don’t think it would work for me, because I’m just not naturally dependent on Jesus.  I need harrrrd to motivate me to run to Jesus, to embrace the suffering that leads to perseverance, that leads to character, that leads to hope/faith/dependency.  My biggest need is yet-more Jesus-dependency, the pearl of great price, worth selling all to get.  But my flesh HATES the suffering necessary to get me there.  My flesh wants painless sanctification, wants EASY sanctification.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, wanting an easier way, except when freshly convicted of the sin of INdependence/confidence-he-knows-what’s-best

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You won’t experience the benefit of Jesus,

unless you’re living in His world, enjoying Him and His creation and His management of everything and everyone, including YOU, just as you are.  When I live in Dave’s world, I’m oppressed, intense, driven to excellence, consumed with proving myself worthy and avoiding failure/humiliation.  Exhausting.

But when I live in Jesus’ world I experience an other-worldly peace that has nothing to do with my circumstances, because I’m a not a gladiator on the field of battle like in Dave’s world, but rather a SPECTATOR sitting in the bleachers, enjoying everything, without a dog in the hunt, clueless-about-what’s-best-for-anyone, curious and expectant to see what Jesus does NEXT, in me, others, circumstances.  Ahhh, Jesus-dependency.

The only problem is, I’m powerless to move from Dave’s world, back to Jesus’ world.  Only when the Spirit opens my eyes to see my sin of INdependence.  Thank You, Jesus, for those times!  And thank You for the other times, that make me miserable enough to want You and Your world.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, havin more fun than ever, sometimes
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I am PettyDave.

I’m shocked.  I just never saw it previously.  I should change my email address to pettydave@sent.com.  I am consumed with petty issues/concerns all day long, every day, especially when I’m all alone, with no audio input, just silence.  Or out in public by myself, observing others.  Jesus has been EXPOSING my flesh to me.  My life is all about ME.  And the petty ways I attempt to feel superior to others.  Mean and ungenerous in small, trifling things, is Dave.  Except.  When I’ve been freshly convicted of the sin of INdependence/pride/worldliness/pettiness.  Freshly undone, contrite, I’m able to enjoy everyone just as they are, and everything just as it is, for we are all His creations.  So much happier.  He did not create them for me to analyze, criticize, judge, but for me to enjoy.

Jesus, in Matt 25: “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to Me.”  I wonder if it’s even possible to really enjoy Jesus, if I’m not really enjoying all His creations?

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, freshly grateful that the grace of Jesus is for sinners, flows downhill to even the most-lowly-and-petty of humans, having no worthiness of our own

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My struggle to understand Scripture

only bothers, irritates, discourages me, when I’m proud/confident-I-know-what’s-best/INdependent/worldly.  Understanding-idolatry has been a human problem, and an unconfessed sin, since the Garden.  My flesh HATES me not understanding Scripture perfectly, HATES me feeling less-than, inadequate, weak, needy, and LOVES me feeling strong, confident, LOVES easy, HATES harrrd, LOVES when I get my way, reach my goal, feel successful, competent, capable, witty, charming.

But when I’ve been freshly convicted of my INdependence — my understanding-idolatry — my wanting to feel good about myself apart from Jesus — my dissatisfaction with Jesus and His imputed worthiness, I’m liberated about not understanding Scripture perfectly,  I don’t mind at all, being pitied by others for my weakness, neediness, inadequacy, dependency on Jesus.  Ahhh, I’m not alone.  My life and my understanding of things, is not up to ME, but up to my SovereignShepherdJesus.  Ahhh.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, extra grateful right now for the convicting work of the Spirit

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You can have an EASY life.

But there’s only one place to FIND easy: in dependence on Jesus.  INdependence, feeling alone, UP TO ME, is harrrrd, because the pressure to achieve — perform with excellence, prove yourself worthy, never ceases.  Miserable existence.

Big difference between EASY circumstances, and an EASY life.  I ain’t promisin EASY circumstances.  As a human you’ve bought into the notion from other humans, that EASY circumstances will produce an EASY life.  And so you’ve been intensely working all your life, to create EASY circumstances, and you have failed, because you cannot control your circumstances, even though you get a gold star for having tried soooo hard for soooo long.

You won’t find EASY in this world, apart from Jesus-dependency.  If your life ain’t EASY, it’s because you are NOT Jesus-dependent.  Jesus is not EVERYthing to you because you’re so self-absorbed, so consumed with engineering EASY circumstances.  In fact, Jesus is downright unsatisfying to you.

“Wait, Dave, are you saying I can experience EASY in the midst of harrrd circumstances — even in the midst of suffering?”  Yes I am.  But it’s not up to you.  Up to Jesus and His Spirit.  But you CAN confess your unbelief/INdependence, dissatisfaction with Him and what He offers.  And you can THANK Him for your harrrd circumstances, so you’re reminded that He is in charge.  Being curious/expectant to see what He does NEXT, in you, others, circumstances, is a taste of Heaven.  Ahhh.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, preaching to others what Dave needs to hear

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