God has led me to an amazing discovery in the past week, about my throbbing gut, that is blowing my mind: it’s emotionally rooted, due to a lack of self-love. That’s right, self-love. Whenever I don’t love myself unconditionally as Jesus loves me, my gut throbs. As I confess my sin of performance-based conditional self-love, trying to prove myself to myself and others, my throbbing gut subsides, because then I am accepting myself, enjoying myself, cherishing myself, just as I am, warts and all, just as Jesus loves, accepts, enjoys, cherishes me, warts and all. Amazing.
How did I miss this before? I guess, because self-love seeeems so selfish, and self-centered. But what’s interesting, is that it’s just the opposite: self-hatred is at the root of idolatry, not self-love. When I love myself, I have nothing to prove, am not insecure, don’t neeeed to perform.
But then when my gut begins to throb again, I know that I’ve stopped loving myself well, that my love for me has turned conditional, based on my performance, and I need to confess my sin of self-hatred/independence/shepherdness/idolatry, so I can return to the inner peace and joy that flow from the Spirit and have nothing to do with my circumstances. Priceless. While I’ve hated my throbbing gut historically, I now love my throbbing gut, that tells me when I’ve slipped back into independent/shepherdlike behavior. I have a ShepherdDave meter! When I listen to it.
And there’s more. Think about it. It’s impossible to love others as Jesus loves, when I’m not loving myself as Jesus loves. And. Self-love = humility: not defensive, not needing to prove self, not competitive, not intense, not agendified. And. When I forget that whatever I’m facing is not my problem, not my job, my gut starts throbbing again, reminding me that it’s Jesus’ problem, and Jesus’ job. Amazing.
–DumbSheepDave, experiencing more peace like a river, and great sleep, because folks have been praying (please keep praying and please pray now)
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