Entries by WeakDave

I’m always obsessed with my own performance

and appearance, when I’m indifferent to Jesus.  Same response the Pharisees had to Jesus.  PhariseeDave, outwardly appearing strong, together, worthy, to others.  And to self.  Blind to what’s going on inside.  But PhariseeDave is becoming more and more aware that his worthiness-addiction has been inordinately fueled by suppressed childhood feelings of worthlessness, causing a lifetime of […]

When I’m indifferent to Jesus,

I never feel like a sinner.  But I’m clear-sighted about sin in others.   However when I’m freshly convicted of my sin, see myself as a sinner, Jesus is a huge deal in my life.  Shepherd.  Lord.  Nothing else hardly matters. Jesus has almost nothing to offer non-sinners.  Just a model of a perfect, loving human, […]

I don’t enjoy Jesus,

  I don’t enjoy Jesus, just as He is, when He thwarts my plans/agenda for an easy, trouble-free life.  I enjoy Jesus when He gives me what I want, blesses my agenda. And when I don’t enjoy Jesus, just as He is, I don’t enjoy others, just as they are, myself, just as I am, […]

Jesus commands us to love everyone,

even our enemies.  Gulp.  That means enjoy everyone, just as they are.  Gulp.  Satan wants us to feel superior to others, especially our enemies, and the disgusting.  Satan wants us critical-judgmental, feeling superior.  Proud.  Gulp. A humble believer loves/accepts/enjoys everyone, just as they are, even political opponents.  Gulp. –ProudDave, taking baby steps in more-loving directions, […]

Why do I want fresh faith?

Or more faith, or more obedience, or to be different?  Part of my motivation for being different, better, is for the glory of Jesus.   But what about the dark side — the sinful side, of my motivation?   I wanna feel gooood about myself, and I’m tired of feeling lousy about myself, a failure at following […]

How do I get fresh faith?

Is faith like a muscle I exercise, so I get credit for something I initiated/generated?   No, faith is something granted by God.  Jack Miller once told Rose Marie that the starting place for faith, is conviction of sin.   When I first heard that back in the 80’s, on a recording of Rose Marie teaching women […]

Proud believer enjoys himself,

when winning, but hates himself when losing or mediocre.  Humble believer enjoys himself when winning, losing or mediocre. Proud believer loves himself conditionally, based on performance.  Humble believer loves himself unconditionally, just as he is, just as Jesus loves him. Proud believer is selfish/self-absorbed, loves others conditionally, and is indifferent to Jesus.  Humble believer loves […]

Jesus will not be contagious in me,

until He has brought healing to the wound on my soul that gives inordinate power to the idols I unconsciously use to prove myself worthy, distracting me from Jesus-dependency.  Jesus will make the kind of difference in my life that will attract others when I don’t care about the things I’ve cared way too much […]